you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
