Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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