I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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