Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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