Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
