That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
