what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
