I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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