I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
