Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
