Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
