So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
