im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize