god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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