just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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