dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
