oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
