Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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