hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
