Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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