I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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