I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
