I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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