you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
