It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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