dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
