OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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