You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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