do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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