pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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