In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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