why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
