have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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