RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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