I wish I could punch you in the face.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
