this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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