I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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