I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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