another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize