you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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