i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
