my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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