So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
