i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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