bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
