I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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