guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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