yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
