btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize