There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
