I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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