his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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