Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
