after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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