Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
