You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
