Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
