was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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