no you cant smoke seaweed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
