He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
