bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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