I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
