You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
