i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
