Please, let me fuck your mom
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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