I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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