Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
