Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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