Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
