Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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