I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
