He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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