i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize