you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
