so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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