I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
